


absolution (the world's not all it seems)

by colorfullysarah



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, All the Warnings Apply to Flashbacks of Tarsus, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Genius!Jim, Kid Fic, M/M, and will be properly warned at the beginning of those chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-17 14:21:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfullysarah/pseuds/colorfullysarah
Summary: When one starts their life out with the death of their father thirty seconds after they take their first breath, it’s not hard to imagine that the rest of said life would come to accumulate many more unfortunate events. Jim Kirk just thinks the universe is a cruel bitch, but that’s neither here nor there.Or where Jim Kirk simultaneously raises a kid, attempts to balance his rigorous course load, and still manages to grab the attention of a certain Vulcan Starfleet officer.





	absolution (the world's not all it seems)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello! I present another Trek fanfic for you all to enjoy and read - hopefully, haha. However, this is my first time writing Jim/Spock so I'm a little nervous about that, but I've been reading quite a bit of Spirk fanfiction lately and finally caved and decided to try my own hand at them. I really just ship Jim/Happiness because dammit Jim Kirk deserves nothing less okay!!
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, I present you, adorable dad!Jim and constantly perplexed Spock over the enigma that is Jim Kirk. <3

He is thirty seconds old when the sound of a starship crashing into another fills his ears, he is forty seconds old when he hears his mother cry and is clutched to her chest as she grieves. He grieves with her even though he doesn’t know why, doesn’t understand, and will never remember.

“Let’s name him Jim.”

And that is how it all begins, with space pressing around him from all sides outside the small escape shuttle like he didn’t belong in the warm embrace of his mother. And later, he realizes perhaps the vast, vacuum of space was right.

 

♙

 

“Dad, wake up, we're going to be late.”

As the words filter through his sluggish mind, Jim sits up abruptly. His too blue eyes widen as they land on the seven-year-old that stands next to his bed. “Shit,” he curses before shooting out of his bed and into the bathroom. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner, Sammy?”

The child huffs outside the bathroom door before answering, “You don’t think I tried? I even cooked breakfast hoping the smell would wake you up.”

Jim curses to himself again as he hops into the sonic shower; it isn’t his preferred way to get ready in the morning, preferring warm water to wake him up fully, but he is apparently very short on time this morning. “You cooked breakfast? When the hell did you learn how to do that?” he says loud enough that Sam could hear him through the door.

“Uncle Bones taught me,” is the only answer that he supplies.

Jim swears he could physically hear the shrug and throws a towel around his waist as he steps out of the shower before yanking the door open. “You know I would have taught you to cook if you wanted to learn, right?” he asks softly.

It’s in these moments that Jim feels wholly incapable of raising a kid, even though it’s been seven years of being responsible for another human being. He never felt like he really got the grasp of it. Bones had laughed when Jim told him about that particular insecurity, which only made Jim scowl. “That feelin’ never goes away Jimmy. Jo’s the same age as Sam and I still have no idea how to be her dad.”

The words had brought both comfort and anxiety for Jim. Bones wasn’t exactly the best point of reference to draw from even though he cared deeply for his best friend. Either way, at least he wasn’t alone.

“I know, but you’ve been studying a lot, so…” Sam trails off and averts his eyes from Jim, which only makes the guilt squeeze his heart further.

When he told Pike he was going to graduate in three years, he figured he’d be able to balance his course work with raising Sam, that it’d be easy. Boy, is he fucking wrong. “You’re never a bother Sam, never, you hear me? Next time, ask me okay? I promise I’ll help you,” Jim finally settles on before he marches into his room to throw on his cadet uniform.

As he dresses for the day Jim hears a knock on the door and curses once more when he realizes that Sam has gone to answer it. “Sam, how many times have I told you not to answer the door if we’re not expecting someone,” he says but to his relief he sees Nyota standing on the other side.

Her eyebrow raises in amusement at his words and he just rolls his eyes at her in response as she steps into their apartment. “To what do I owe this pleasure, Ny?” he asks as he pulls on his boots.

Sam shoots him a look over his shoulder before throwing his arms around Nyota’s waist and hugging her tightly. “Ignore him Aunt Ny, he’s just mad he overslept,” Sam says with a grin as he looks up at her.

Nyota laughs and Jim bites back a groan. Is no one on his damn side this morning? Apparently not. “It seems you got ready today just fine on your own huh? When did you decide to get so big?” she asks before dropping a kiss to the crown of his head.

Sam beams up at her before stepping away and into the kitchen. “I even made breakfast this morning!” he says proudly. “Do you want some?”

At the look Nyota shoots at Jim, he can only give her a shrug. “I haven’t eaten this morning so I can’t tell you what that’ll taste like,” he says. A grin finally tugs at his lips as he stands and makes his way over to their small, but sturdy dining room table. “But Bones apparently taught him how to cook so it’s gotta be decent.”

Sam looks affronted that neither adult jumped at the chance to eat his food. Jim sighs as he plops down into one of the chairs and scoops up a bite of scrambled eggs with a fork. “These actually are pretty good Sam,” he says before taking another bite.

This was all the encouragement Nyota needed as she sat down across from him and began to pile food onto her plate. Jim is content to sit back and watch her and Sam talk about their mornings, what he was excited about most for the new school year and what she was excited about herself. Once they were all done eating and plates were thrown into the sink, the three of them began to make their way to outskirts of Starfleet Academy where a hover bus would whisk away Sam to school and allow Nyota and himself just enough time to get across campus for their first and only class together for the semester.

 

♙

 

He is five and his mother leaves for the first time, chasing the stars that took away her husband and he feels alone but doesn’t fully understand why. Bright blue eyes watch her go and he wishes he could join her, after all he was born in the stars so it’d be okay right?

“C’mon Jimmy, let’s go back inside,” Grandpa Tiberius says.

Things are okay for a while, his grandpa shows up how to fix up things around the farmhouse, takes him out to the barn and shows him how to care for the horses. His brother follows for a while until he grows bored but all good things come to an end in his life and Grandpa Tiberius dies not even a year later. 

He learns to cherish the quiet moments.

 

♙

 

“You’re gonna have your hands full soon, I hope you realize that,” Nyota says as she falls into step beside him.

Jim just snorts and hikes his bag higher up on his shoulder. “I know, believe me. He’s a Kirk and we’re nothing but troublemakers, as you know,” he says with a sly grin. His only response is an eye roll which melts his grin into a genuine smile.

It is a beautiful day out, a rare one where the sun is high in the sky and the air isn’t chilled to the point where certain cadets race around campus as though their skin was going to freeze off. Jim didn’t really care either way how the weather swayed, but it is always an amusing sight when those used to warmer climates grumbled at the sky.

“Jim!”

He carries on as though he didn’t hear the voice and he notices Nyota trying to conceal her laughter when Bones shouts his name again, this time more frustrated than the last. Knowing he couldn’t avoid his best friend forever, he sighs before turning around and flashing the older man a wide smile. “Bones! I hear you’ve been teaching my kid how to cook,” he says.

Bones just waves him off. “Someone had to,” he says. “Make sure you swing by medical after your classes today. Don’t start. I’m serious Jim - I need to do your damn physical so I can clear you for that horrifyin’ advanced piloting class you’re so hellbent on takin’.”

Jim crosses his arms and shakes his head, “That class won’t kill me it’ll be your excessive hypos that’ll do the trick. Then who will care for Sammy, maybe I should make you his guardian since it’d be your fault for my demise…”

“Oh don’t be an infant Jimmy.”

Nyota’s laughter draws both of them from their little standoff and Jim watches as Bones’ face softens just slightly as he shifts his gaze towards her. “I don’t know how we put up with him,” he grumbles affectionately but still draws a huff from Jim.

“He has an adorable kid who has us wrapped around his finger,” she answers with a shrug.

“Speakin’ of the kid, when does his bus get here again?” he asks Jim, shifting his gaze back.

It takes Jim a second to remember, which only proves how he needs to grab more coffee. “It should be back here by 1400. But let me know if you can’t make it and I’ll figure out a way to get over there -”  

Bones holds his hand up to cut him off, “Don’t you worry yourself. I’ll be able to watch him until you get back from that pilotin’ class. My shift doesn’t start until 1600 so just make sure you don’t die before then.”

Jim salutes him just to get a rise and isn’t disappointed when Bones bristles when he says, “Yes sir!”

He watches as Bones grumbles before turning away to march off towards whatever class he has for the morning, throwing an “I’m serious Jim!” over his shoulder as he did.

“Well now that I have my daily Bones bitching over with let’s grab coffee,” He says brightly as he rubs his hands together and leads the way towards their favorite cafe. The only place that serves an actual proper latte, according to Nyota. She just continues to laugh but follows him nonetheless.

Once they’re properly caffeinated Nyota navigates the hallways in the Xenolinguistic wing with an ease that Jim certainly didn’t have. “You know, I’m surprised you decided to take this class as one of your electives,” she says as she strides into a classroom. “I figured you would’ve taken some engineering class.”

They find their seats near the front of the room and Jim only rolls his eyes as they settle. “I am,” he shrugs at her surprised look. “But I figured if I’m going to be captain one day I should be able to understand the way languages develop and work in case I ever find myself without you around to talk me out of a shitty situation.”  

He throws her a wink for good measure and is pleased when it draws a laugh. “I have no idea how you handle your course load and make time for Sam,” she says.  

“I am fortunate enough to have two babysitters who are willing to take payment in the form of favors and coffee,” he replies with a small, genuine smile.  

Nyota’s eyes soften but before she can respond their professor strides into the room. The Vulcan is apparently a professor she’s had in the past based on her utter lack of a reaction. Jim, on the other hand, curses inwardly and sends a small prayer out to whoever is listening. “You could’ve warned me,” he hisses in her ear.

All he gets in response is a raised eyebrow from his friend who apparently finds his momentary panic amusing. Well, she didn’t have a kid to raise and now Jim knew he would be getting even less sleep. The work wouldn’t be harder, at least not for Jim, but the time he would need to dedicate to ensuring that it met a Vulcan’s standards? Yeah, that is going to be a bitch.  

Oh well. Not like he needs much sleep anyway.

 

♙

 

Jim wouldn’t say he’s running across campus, but it is a very near thing. Of course the the piloting class had to run late, of course, it did. Of all the days for this to happen Jim had hoped it wouldn’t happen on Sam’s very first day back in school.

His communicator chirps at him and he already knows who the seemingly angry chirp belongs to. Later Jim will laugh at this moment and say it was simply destiny, but in the present, he curses as he goes to answer Bones’ call and crashes rather ungracefully into someone.

When he looks up and sees the blank expression on Commander Spock’s face Jim immediately curses again, quietly and to himself before he says, “I’m sorry Commander, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” 

“That is clear, Cadet Kirk,” is the only reply he’s given.

Jim represses a flinch at the flat tone but when he looks into Spock’s eyes he swears he sees annoyance floating there. “Again, I’m really sorry,” is the only thing he can think to say in response.

He doesn’t move, even though he really, really need to be running.

Spock’s eyebrow raises slightly before he speaks, “Considering your quick pace just moments ago, I am certain you are trying to reach a destination before you are late and yet you continue to stand here.”

This moment just kept getting weirder and weirder, but Spock’s words were enough to shake whatever dazed shock he found himself under. Shaking his head, Jim hikes his bag higher onto his shoulder and tightens his grip on his communicator. “Yes, I am. Have a good night Commander.”

Jim forces himself to walk calmly until he is certain he’s out Spock’s sight before he all out sprints towards Bones’ place.

 

♙

 

He is eight and his Uncle Frank hits his brother for the first time. Jim wasn’t supposed to have seen, but he did because he had wanted to show Sam the upgrades he made the communicator their mom had given them. He watched wide-eyed as Sam stood there, eyes cold as he glared.

“You’re in my house now, Georgie and your mom isn’t here to protect you.”

He is eight and he learns for the first time that universe isn’t always full of good people. He is eight and he can’t bring himself to step forward and protect his big brother. Later, he will have the opportunity to do just that and once again he will fail.

 

♙

 

“You know you’re getting too big for this kid,” Jim says as he swings Sam up onto his shoulders, his backpack on the opposite shoulder of his own bag.

It honestly was a miracle that Jim made it to Bones’ place with a whole minute to spare. Of course, his friend hadn’t been too pleased he’d need to haul ass to Starfleet Med but his grumbling had been sparse so Jim counted it as a success.

Sam instead of replying just places his hands on the crown on Jim’s head and rests his chin on them. Jim can’t help but laugh. “What, you already wore out for the day? Should I put you down for a nap like I used to?”

This drew Sam out of whatever funk he is in because the next moment he’s sitting up straighter and digging his feet into Jim’s sides. “No! I’m not a little kid anymore dad,” he says firmly. Which of course only makes Jim laugh harder.

He tightens his grip on Sam’s knees before asking, “How was your first day at school then?”

Sam sighs above him, “It was boring. We’re not even learning multiplication or long division until _next_ year! Which I don’t understand why because _I_ learned it just fine over the summer and Aunt Nyota even started teaching me algebra and geometry!” 

Jim bites back a sigh because a large part of him had known this would happen, Sam is a Kirk after all and genius tends to run in their family. Making sure his kid is learning at a pace that won’t drive him to act out because of boredom is just another thing he needs to add to his to-do list now. “I’ll talk to your teacher this week, Sammy. I’ll see what I can do okay? Just stick with it for now, can you do that for me?”

There is silence while Sam clearly thinks about Jim’s question. “Alright, I will. But only if you take me to that really neat garden near your classes before dinner. I didn’t get to look at all of the plants last time,” he says pointedly.

God, is Jim happy that Sammy is easily placated by being able to discover new things. That Jim could definitely manage. “Of course,” he says as he quickly changes course.

Sam laughs happily above him which draws a smile to his lips.

While he walks towards the science buildings on the campus, Jim doesn’t run across many other cadets, most finding their classes over for the day and are free to start their homework or enjoy time with their friends. There is only a faint ache now where Jim finds himself longing to join them, to shed the layers of responsibility the curled around him even while he sleeps. But as Sam’s breath hitches in excitement and words tumble from his lips so quickly Jim could only pick out a few words that ache fades away.

A few alcoholic drinks would never compare to the look of amazement and wonder on his kid's face. Even whenever he is a little snot.

“That cactus wasn’t there before!” Sam cries as he wiggles to be let down.  

Jim finds the only bench in the desert garden and settles on it, pulling out his own PADD while Sam started to catalog his new discovery on his own. They had at least a couple hours before the sun sank down towards the horizon and Jim knew Sam could spend that much time and then some here.

Eventually, the two Kirks lost themselves in their individual work. Of course, Jim glances up at Sam every few minutes to make sure the kid didn’t decide that touching a cactus is a smart idea (he wouldn’t) and it is during on of his numerous checks that he spots a familiar figure. Jim bites back a sigh as Spock approaches and sets his PADD down on his lap.

“Commander,” he says and nods in acknowledgment.

Spock doesn’t speak right away, which of course makes Jim want to squirm under his intense gaze. Or well, at least he thinks it is intense. For all Jim knew that could be an expression of boredom on Vulcan. Sam, of course, notices their new visitor and bounds over quickly, PADD momentarily forgotten in his hands. “Hello! Do you know what this plant is? It wasn’t here last time and I can’t seem to figure out what planet it comes from since there are no images of it on Earth and my dad doesn’t know either but since you aren’t from here maybe you’ve seen it!” he gushes and holds up the PADD for Spock to see. 

Jim resists the urge to pinch of the bridge of his nose and apologize for his kid's eagerness. “Sammy it’s rude to say things like that,” he says calmly.  

As he looks up at Spock however, the Commander doesn’t seem to be annoyed. But then again he could be totally off base with that. Sam flashes Jim a sheepish grin, but he continues to hold the PADD up to Spock expectantly.

This kid is going to be the end of him.

Much to Jim’s surprise Spock crouches down and takes the PADD from Sam’s fingers. “Yes, this is a plant from my homeworld Vulcan. It grows in many regions on the planet and I recently brought back one to plant here when I went to visit my parents.”

Jim watches as excitement overtakes Sam and rests a hand on his kid’s shoulder before he can ask Spock the million questions that swirl around in his head. “What do you say Sammy?” he poses quietly as he looks up at the Commander.

Sam clearly deflates but is happy nonetheless to have a lead he can research. “Thank you!”

Spock inclines his head slightly and both Kirk’s take it as a silent ‘you’re welcome’.

Already, Sam’s head is back in his PADD tapping away as he pulls up what he can about Vulcan plantlife. “Thank you, Commander,” Jim reiterates. “That’ll keep him busy for the week hopefully.”

His response is a raised eyebrow which again, Jim can’t say for sure if that’s a good or bad sign as he forces himself to stand firmly. “It is no trouble at all, Cadet,” he finally says, voice void of any telling emotions.

Spock doesn’t say much more, instead, he just stands there with his hands behind his back as if he is patiently waiting for them to leave. Jim can take a hint when one is given, so he nods one more time at Spock before picking up his bag and settling his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “Alright kid, it’s time to eat. Say goodbye to Commander Spock,” he says.

Sam looks up, though he is clearly distracted still by his research as he mumbles out a half-hearted, “Goodbye.”

“Have a good evening Commander,” Jim says before nudging Sam forward.

 

♙

 

He is thirteen and angry when Tarsus IV appears in the small window in his room. Sam is beside him because all of this had been his idea. He didn’t breathe a word to his brother, still so angry that Sam had wanted to leave him behind.

“We should have lived with them the moment mom left on her first mission, we can be Kirks here Jimmy because they’re Kirks too.”

He is thirteen and has no idea that everything will soon crumble at his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! 
> 
> Let me know what you think. :) I have most of the fic planned out, but whenever I write a story things tend to change or ideas pop into my head that I'd like to see happen so it's only loosely outlined. 
> 
> Usually, I try to post a new every 1-2 weeks, but sometimes things happen and it can take up to 3 weeks. Sometimes I even post sooner if inspiration strikes, haha. If you'd like to know any updates on this fic as they happen, feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http://ofuhura.tumblr.com), I'll tag all updates with "absolution" or "my fic". 
> 
> Until next time <3


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